Sideburns

FC Kaiserslautern 91-92
Designed by Uhlsport, Worn by Kuntz

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Entschuldigen Sie; can you direct me to the nearest Discotek..???

 

Team:  FC Kaiserslautern

Home or Away:  Home

Years Active: 1991-92

As Worn By: Markus Kranz, Wolfgang Funkel, Reinhard Stumpf, Miroslav Kadlek, Bjarne Goldbaek and Stefan Kuntz.

 

Wow.

Can success go to your head…? Clearly it can in South West Germany as the defending Bundesliga champions Kasierslautern took to the fields of Deutschland in this Euro-Techno number back in 1991.

Uhlsport created this torn-strips inspired effort for Die roten Teufel (The Red Devils) in celebration of the club’s first ever German title.

Like a lot of modern art, just when you think you’ve taken in each detail something new will jump out and catch your eye.

To be fair this was just one in a series of outlandish garb donned by Kaiserslautern in the early 90’s, but this is the one that takes the keks (biscuit).

An altogether distracting affair, the club sank to fifth in the league in defence of their title and this jersey was arguably the biggest culprit.

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Do you agree..? Rate this kit:  Tragic or a Classic…???

Five Things A Man Should Never Wear if He’s Over 35

by Karl Hofer.

There comes a time in a man’s life when shopping for clothes suddenly becomes quite a stressful experience.

Perhaps it hasn’t hit you yet, but if you’re in your 30’s it is only a matter of time before it does. And when it does it can be quite a shock…

Not sure what I’m talking about? OK, has the following ever happened to you;

You’ve walked into your favourite shop to pick up some new jeans or a shirt perhaps and immediately your first thought is: “Why is it so loud in here..?”

Then you notice the cut-down denim shorts and outlandish tops on display; an uncomfortable feeling takes hold of you, a quick glance around and you realise you’re the oldest person in the shop. By at least 20 years.

Things then plummet to undiscovered depths as before you can make your exit the friendly shop assistant asks you if you’re “looking for something for your son..?”

If anything like that has happened to you then its time to reevaluate the contents of your wardrobe, you are now officially old.

Don’t panic! BOBBY is here to help you make the necessary modifications, effortlessly and with grace, saving you from potential style suicide.

First things first; what NOT to wear.

When you make the transition from your 20s into your 30s and beyond, it’s important your wardrobe evolves with you. There are some things that you may have been able to pull off at a party that you’ll look ridiculous trying to pull off now. It’s just part of getting old – a fact of life – and you need to deal with it.

So in an effort to help you not look like you’re desperately clinging on to your youth with every sinew of your being, take careful note of the following five items that no man should ever wear after they reach 35.

blog_winter_dress_M5. Shorts in Winter –

While wearing shorts long past the end of Summer may have been something that made you look cool when you were in your early twenties, it doesn’t make you look tough or “laid back” after you’ve hit your thirties. The truth is at your age you’re probably risking extreme hypothermia or other cold weather related illnesses.

Whenever I see a grown man wearing shorts in the freezing cold I immediately think one of two things; either this guy has been kicked out by his wife and he’s reduced to wearing the clothes he walked out in, including his crappy old Navy cargo shorts – or- here is someone still clinging onto University life as a so called ‘mature student’ who should clearly know better at his age.

Now, neither of those things may be true, but you probably don’t want people making similar assumptions about you. In short (pardon the pun), if other people are wearing hats, gloves and scarves, you should at least be wearing long trousers.

 tshirt-slogans-24. Funny Slogan T-Shirts –

You know the shirts I’m talking about; ones emblazoned with witty efforts such as “Save Water: Drink Beer!” or  “FBI: Female Body Inspector”. There’s just no place for this nonsense anymore, we’ve all grown up and you should too.

OK, I appreciate sometimes these are gifts from relatives and such like, but that doesn’t mean you have to wear them, does it…?

Invariably these T-shirts are sold from stalls in the middle of busy shopping centres or online as most ‘shops’ wont stock them. There’s a reason for that.

Maybe (that’s just ‘maybe’) a student can pull off wearing a T-shirt that reads “Blink if you want me” or “I fuck on the first date” – but a man who’s starting to go gray…?!? Dear God, no…

BrightShoes_224x224-13. Bright Trainers –

Adults can wear trainers with colours on them, that’s fine. But not too wild unless you work as a kids entertainer. The rule of thumb here is ‘less is more’.

Remember; nothing looks more tragic than Timmy Mallett inspired clothing, and Timmy is all the proof you need that there’s something about a 40-year-old guy wearing a pair of electric yellow trainers with neon green laces that doesn’t quite look right.

Saggy 2. Sagged Jeans –

A slight on the world of fashion, this abomination has been here for too long now – I’m talking jeans which fall way below a man’s waist.

Unless you’re currently signed to Def Jam Records, pull your effing pants up!

Young people are often blissfully unaware of the fact that they look like morons (not that that’s any excuse for it). But with age comes wisdom – and having reached maturity you should know better.

The image of a 30-something year-old with sagged jeans on is one that scars the imagination. The trick here is to invest in a pair of jeans that actually fit properly. Surprisingly, you’ll find yourself looking younger and less like a total muppet.

Bush Departs The White House

Yeah, that’s what YOU look like…

1. Crocs –

This is perhaps the biggest sin of all. Let’s be clear here; they are convenient and easy to wash for a reason – unless you’re prepubescent, elderly or mentally deranged, you have zero excuse for wearing Crocs.

If you see a man wearing Crocs, you have BOBBY’S permission to take them off his feet and beat him to death with them.

They are shoes for children, no right-minded adult should purchase coloured blocky footwear. For a grown man to wear Crocs on his feet is tantamount to telling people you’re allergic to sex.

Of course if you find that you are still able to make friends despite wearing Crocs you could always take it to the lowest level possible and add socks to the equation, like the ever popular former President pictured here has…

 

Coming Soon: What Men Over 35 Should be Wearing…

 

 

Success Drives Jock Stein & His New Ford Zephyr

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Take a look at this fantastic photo of Celtic manager Jock Stein picking up his new Ford Zephyr from a garage on Glasgow’s Cumbernauld Road.  This picture is from 1967, and was in fact taken just two days before Stein led his Celtic side to European Cup glory in Lisbon, where a 2-1 win over Inter Milan saw them crowned as champions of Europe, the first British club to do so.

Stein was no doubt elated with that victory, but how happy would he have been with his new set of wheels..? Possibly a little underwhelmed is the likely answer.

Since the Mk1 Zephyr and Zodiac of 1951, with their Aston Martin-style grilles and MacPherson Strut front suspensions, this was the favoured mode of transport of the image-conscious middle management type. Ford regularly updated the Z-cars, allowing them to grow in tandem with their buyers’ wealth. The fins got bigger; and styling more trans-Atlantic; and their power units that bit more powerful.

But despite this upward trend, the arrival of the Zephyr and Zodiac Mk4 in 1966 was still had an element of shock and awe about it.

This car shared very little with its predecessor. It was designed around Ford’s new V-series four- and six-cylinder Essex engines, and was to be longer and wider than before. The design was bold, reflecting American thinking, not just in terms of dimensions, but also detail.

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Ford Zodiac Executive Saloon

At the top of the range, the Executive was added as a trim level above the Zodiac. Like the standard Zodiac, the Executive featured stylish quad headlights, but also boasted optional automatic transmission (or overdrive manual), power steering, sunroof, reclining front seats, walnut fascia, carpeting throughout, reversing lights, fog lamps, and an increase in power to 136bhp – and all at around £1,600.

To ensure that the vast amount of space under the bonnet was filled, the spare wheel was moved forward and mounted between the engine and the radiator. Whilst this certainly improved boot space it also gave the car strange weight distribution and some interesting handling traits.

During its six-year production run, around 150,000 Zephyr and Zodiac Mk4s were built. The general consensus that the Z-cars were a commercial flop would seem to be untrue – after all, the Austin 3 Litre managed a mere 9,992 cars during its four-year life, while the golden 2000s from Rover took 15 years to notch up their 300,000-plus sales.

However, they were an engineering failure, and their troubled life directly led to Ford continuing down the pan-European route for its executive cars, with a single car – the Granada – being created to replace the Z-cars and their German counterparts, the P7 series.

 

Statistics and info from AROnline.

 

Deutsche Snazz!
The Kit That United a Nation

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Handy Andy: Brehme scored the winner from the spot in the final

 

Team:  West Germany

Home or Away:  Home

Years Active:  1990-1992

As Worn By:  Jürgen Klinsmann, Lothar Matthaus, Rudi Völler, Andreas Brehme, Pierre Littbarski, Olaf Thon, & Thomas Hässler

 

 

Organised. Efficient. Predictable; That’s the stereotypical view of the Germans.

So when they graced Italia ’90 with this rather fetching number the world gasped in collective surprise.

But this wasn’t the Germany of old. The Berlin wall came down just a few months before the 1990 World Cup, so there was an electric atmosphere all over Germany at the time, and Adidas delivered a kit for the the national side to wear in the tournament that matched the sense of history the soon to be officially unified nation was experiencing.

And so it came to pass, rather fittingly perhaps, that Germany (officially still West Germany due to the qualification process beginning two years before) lifted the 1990 World Cup – Albeit in a somewhat organised, efficient and predictable manner…

Rate this kit: Is it Wunderbar or just plain Scheiße…???

 

 


Red Hot Silly Pepper!
Drummer Chad Smith receives death threats after Flamengo shirt defilement

While starring in a drum clinic at the Hard Rock Cafe in Belo Horizonte, Brazil, Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith messed around with local Atletico Mineiro fans by shoving a Flamengo shirt down the back of his pants, apparently wiping his arse with it.

Smith was given the Flamengo top from one of the fans in the crowd. After the jersey was held aloft to a lukewarm response from the audience, Smith, who Can’t Stop himself playing up to the local crowd, then stuffed the shirt down the back of his jeans before removing it and casually tossing it to the Otherside of the drum kit (you can see it all in the link below).

What Smith clearly didn’t do is take into account the fact that he might upset Flamengo’s millions of fans Around the World with his gesture.

Universally Speaking it was nothing more than a little light-hearted ribbing, but it sadly turned quite ugly. Smith received threats of violence and even death when footage of the incident emerged online, and he was soon taking to Twitter to apologise unreservedly for any offence his actions may have caused!

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The timing was also a little unfortunate, as the Chili Peppers headed to Rio de Janeiro — home of the arse-wiped club — to play a gig on Saturday evening.

To show it was all water Under the Bridge Smith also wore the Flamengo shirt whilst signing autographs in Rio on Friday By the Way.

Presumably it had been given a wash since the last time he used it or he wouldn’t be able to Give it Away

 

by Karl Hofer

Maradona Gets Into The Groove The Musical Legacy of La Mano de Dios

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There has been much debate over who the greatest player the world has seen is, and usually after much discussion it comes down to a straight fight between Pele and Maradona.

To find a definitive or utterly compelling argument in favour of either is a difficult task – most people have their mind made up already – but if the deciding factor was the number of songs written about a player then Diego Maradona would win hands-down. I mean by a country mile, total no-contest. The guys got hundreds of songs dedicated to his great name and sung in adoration of him, and that’s just from Napoli’s fans.

Music is clearly a big part of Maradona’s life. Our photograph is of a young Diego digging through some vinyl and listening to some of his favourite tunes back in 1980. He has also sung many times on TV and over the years has been seen gracing dance-floors the world over.

But never has a figure from the world of sport evoked such a response from the world of music.

Some of the biggest Maradona inspired hits include: Maradó by Argentine suburban rock band Los Piojos, a favourite of Napoli fans is Maradona è meglio ‘e Pelé by Enzo Romano which translates as  ‘Maradona is better than Pele’, ‘O reggae e’ Maradona was a big hit for Neapolitan reggae band Jovine in 2007, and an all-time classic Neapolitan anthem is O Surdato ‘Nnamurato made famous by Massimo Ranieri which Napoli fans have tweaked in homage to their idol.

Unquestionably the most famous song about Maradona was by cuarteto music legend Rodrigo Bueno and is called La Mano de Dios. For the linguistically challenged among you that translates as ‘The Hand of God’ but don’t let that title put you off this song, it’s regarded as a dance classic in Argentina and it tells the story of Diego’s rise to greatness. Bueno tragically died in a car accident in 2000, but he lives on through this song and occasionally Maradona will even perform it himself (as he does in the link below) in thanks to Bueno.

Maradona – La Mano de Dios (The Hand of God)

In a slum I was born, it was gods will
That I grow up and survive
This humble example to face adversity
Eager to succeed in life. With each step I took

On the playground I forged an immortal left hand.
With experience A buringing ambition to make it
As a young buck, I dreamed of the world cup
And rising to the top in Primera
Perhaps by playing I could help my family

From the very outset
The Doce cheered
My dream contained a star
Full of goals and dodges
And all the people sang
The Hand of God was born
Sowed joy in the people
Brought glory to this land

Bearing a cross on my shoulders for being the best
For not selling out I confronted the powerful
Curious weakness if Jesus stumbled
Why shouldnt I too
Fame introduced me to a white woman
Of mysterious taste and forbidden pleasure
Who addicted me to the desire to use her again
Taking my whole life
And this is a match that someday
I am going to win

From the very outset
The Doce cheered
My dream contained a star
Full of goals and dodges
And all the people sang
The Hand of God was born
Sowed joy in the people
Brought glory to this land

 

When The Lions Roared Cameroon Brought a Lot More Than Just Colour to Italia ’90

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Milla in his dancing gear

Team: Cameroon

Home or Away: Home

Years Active: 1990 – 1992

As Worn By: Andre Kana-Biyik, Benjamin Massing, François Omam-Biyik, Eugène Ekéké,  Emmanuel Kundé, Cyril Makanaky and Roger Milla.

 

Cameroon qualified for the 1990 World Cup edging past Nigeria and defeating Tunisia in the final round playoff. At the tournament The Indomitable Lions were drawn into group B with Argentina, Romania, and the Soviet Union – and given zero chance of progressing.

That all went out of the window however after the opening game of the finals saw World Champions Argentina defeated 1-0 in possibly the greatest ever upset at a World Cup finals. Cameroon proved that was no fluke by beating Romania 2-1 in their next match and securing a place in the knockout stages, they then became the first African side to reach the Quarter Finals. They also became the first side to top a World Cup Finals group with a negative goal difference after losing to the Soviet Union 4-0 in their last group game.

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Omam-Biyik heads into history in ‘The Miracle of Milan’

The Indomitable Lions were superb at the tournament and put African football firmly on the footballing map, and they did it in the most colourful fashion, adorned in this bright number from Adidas.

They eventually were pipped by England in the Quarter Finals after extra time and two Gary Lineker penalities, and those not blinded by patriotic fervor will admit England were lucky to advance at the Africans expense.

Cameroon were an explosion of colour at Italia ’90, literally with their bold kit and also with their football. Everyone remembers Roger Milla picking Rene Higuita’s pocket, scoring goals off the bench, and dancing at corner-flags.

We owe them a lot; without Cameroon Italia ’90 would have been a bust, it was that dull. And this unapologetic display of national colours was a breath of fresh air in an era of mostly dull attire.

And it takes a lot to pull off that colour combination – I mean, could you imagine Everton in that strip..?!??!

So Cameroon; we thank you.

How do your rate this kit..? Legend or total shocker..??


Style Meets Substance: The Jaguar F-Type

We review the new F-Type Jaguar, a car 40 years in the making

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The F-Type is the most important car Jaguar has built for nearly half a century. It’s the car that will define Jaguar for years to come. The stylish new roadster is the alphabetic successor to the iconic E-Type – the car once described by Enzo Ferrari as the “most beautiful ever made”.

But this next installment has taken decades to arrive. Production of the E ended 39 years ago, and so followed four decades of feverish speculation about the due date for the F-type among car enthusiasts the world over.

So having kept us waiting impatiently all this time, what have Jaguar delivered..? If you were hoping for little more than an updated version of the E-Type then you’ll be disappointed. This is something quite different from its predecessor, a thing of great beauty in fact.

No doubt about it the Jaguar F-Type is stunning, no matter what angle you look from. It has already won multiple awards for its design and the thanks for that go straight to the man behind it all, Ian Callum, Jaguar’s Director of Design.

tumblr_mfvg9pjIew1qeua2ao1_500It’s men like Ian Callum and Marek Reichman (from Aston Martin) that have kept the British ahead in the style stakes whilst the Germans have been bogged-down with mere details such as technology and efficiency.

Not that the Jaguar F-Type is all style and no substance, it has a lot more to offer than just good looks. It’s the first two-seater sports car Jaguar has built since the E-Type and while other brands have failed to reinvent an icon, the F-Type is everything you would hope for from the legendary British manufacturer.

For a start it comes with a choice of three engines – a pair of 3-litre V6s with 340 or 380bhp and a 5-litre V8 “big daddy” with 495bhp. All are supercharged.

OK, all you sports car purists will balk at it not being a manual gear change – the F-Type only comes as an automatic – but fear not; there’s plenty to enjoy from the car’s “Quickshift” eight-speed which allows you to ease up and down the gears with your fingers on the steering-wheel paddles.

The F-Type is intoxicating from the off, with gimmicks and surprises to delight gadget lovers, you feel like “Q” has just given you the car and your name is now ‘Bond’. From a distance, press “open” on the fob and the door handles appear from where they’ve been hiding, tucked into the flanks.

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Inside the car you’re greeted by a copper-coloured button saying: “Start me.” Press it and marvel as you hear the brawn erupt from within! The thrill at the power you now have in harness is something to behold. I also love the way the air vents rise up out of the dashboard when you start the ignition, giving the impression the car is coming alive.

The F-Type’s interior is a work of art, all leathery and roomy. The E-Type was a very English affair, this on the other hand is something for the whole world to celebrate.

It’s not perfect; downsides include its exhaustive options list, cumbersome transmission and ride quality over poorly surfaced roads. But overall the Jaguar F-Type is the sort of car you’d buy just for its looks alone, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Unlike its German rivals it will turn heads wherever it goes.

In short it is a brilliant blend of style and sophistication with a gorgeous interior and modern engine to boot.

THE FIGURES
Jaguar F-Type

Tested: 3.0 Litre V6 340 Supercharged, 1,984cc turbocharged petrol engine, eight-speed automatic

Price/on sale: £58,520 on the road

Cylinders: Six

Maximim Torque EEC-Nm: 450

@rev/min: 3,500-5,000

Top speed: 161mph

Acceleration: 0-60mph in 5.1sec

Fuel economy: 22.4mpg/31.4mpg (EU Urban/Combined)

CO2 emissions: 209g/km

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Our Verdict: It has taken its time to get here, but if you were waiting for a powerful, elegant piece of modern driving excellence then you’ll be doing cartwheels at the prospect of getting behind this wheel of this refined piece of machinery.

 

Viva Bobby Moore!

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Born in Guyana in 1948, Eddy Grant moved to London with his parents at the age of 12.

Always into music, he formed his first band with two school friends calling themselves ‘The Equals’. By 1967 they had a record deal with President Records and a smash number 1 in 1968 with “Baby Come Back”, which was written by Eddy.

A few more hits followed, but then came the catchy tune that was to be turned into a football anthem “Viva Bobby Joe” – lovingly revamped by England supporters to “Viva Bobby Moore” in honour of the World Cup winning skipper.

In this excellent photo from 1969, the England captain Bobby Moore is pictured in a London recording studio with The Equals, reworking that hit record into ‘Viva Bobby Moore’.

West Ham’s Moore was at the height of his powers at the time, having led England to World Cup glory three years previously he was looking forward to a trip to Mexico the following Summer to defend the title.

The Equals were formed by Eddy Grant, who later enjoyed a solo career with some smash hits in the 80’s including “Electric Avenue” and “I Don’t Wanna Dance” which became on of the biggest selling hits of 1982.

The Toon Swoon

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Note: Gold chain was optional

 

Team: Newcastle United

Home or Away: Home

Years Active: 1980 – 1983

As Worn By: Kevin Keegan, Chris Waddle, Bobby Shinton, Imre Varadi, Kenny Wharton and Jeff Clarke.

Things weren’t going particularly well on the pitch for the Magpies in 1980 as they languished in the middle of the Division Two table, but the club’s new shirt manufacturer Umbro had designed a kit for the club that fans were sure to love.

It was nothing out of the ordinary to most people, the usual black and white stripes with an embroidered badge featuring the City’s castle and the famous magpie, but this became a uniquely memorable Newcastle shirt for a couple of reasons;

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Young Waddle, before he’d ever heard the word ‘Mullet’

1. On the plus side; It was the first Newcastle kit to feature a shirt sponsor. And what a sponsor! Not only was Newcastle Brown Ale extremely popular with fans, the ‘blue star’ logo also looked good. So much so in fact that this is a rare case of a sponsor’s loge actually enhancing a shirt rather than diminishing it.

2. Less positively, and quite importantly; the stripes weren’t actually black. I mean they were meant to be, indeed the stripes on the players shirts were indeed black, but the shirts available for fans to buy in the club shop were adorned with dark brown stripes. Not immediately noticeable at first, but all too evident after you had washed your beloved shirt a couple of times.

The club eventually admitted it was a manufacturing error and sent out letters of apology to supporters in which they claimed that ‘black was a very difficult colour for shirt manufacturers to reproduce’.  Yeah…

Perhaps Umbro had got a little too caught up with the groundbreaking vented hem feature the kit sported. The plain black shorts were a skimpy affair (as was the rage in the 80’s, well in the UK at least) and the club returned to plain black socks after toying with hooped ones in the late 70’s .

How do you rate this kit…?